On the Eve of Graduation

Something about wearing a black smock and walking across the stage is really, really scary. Something about the symbolism of moving your tassel from the left to the right (or the right to the left?) is too much for me to handle. Something about knowing that, in just over a week, I will have moved back home and feel like I am right where I started four years ago is so bizarre.

I have received four letters that all tell me that people are inspired by me. It is so strange that I am that person. There are so many people who are older than me who were my inspiration. They were the reason that I wanted to grow and become a better person. I can't believe that I am that person to people younger than me, and even people who are graduating with me. I feel very lucky to be so valued and am so sad that it took me graduating to find out. This, of course, reminds me how important it is to share my thoughts with the people who inspire me.

My roommate just shut her car door outside and she just finished celebrating her graduation. Clearly, she made it out alive. I don't know why I'm so afraid of this. It's nothing that I haven't done before - in fact, I did it almost exactly four years ago. I put on a robe, sit in a chair, walk up a ramp, shake the hand of some guy I've never met before and likely have no idea who they are, and then go sit back down.

The action isn't scary, but the symbolism means everything.

Letter from the past

February 2, 2010

Dear Kim,
When you receive this letter, you will be on the eve of your graduation from college. Right now, I am exhausted and terrified of what the next 14 plus or minus weeks have to offer. Right now, I am concerned that I will not have a "real" job by May. Right now, I am afraid of both of my parents being together in the same room. Right now, I am single.
I have so many hopes for what you will be in May. In May, I hope you are exhausted still, because you had a memorable and successful semester. In May, I hope you will have figured out your next step in your future career, although you probably haven't actually figured it out yet. In May, I hope you have healed from your paternal drama and will let go soon. In May, I hope you are happy with who you are, REGARDLESS of relationship status (but a boy would be nice).
Most of all, I hope you have not forgotten how to smile.
Love,
Yourself

I have always loved this poem.

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers.  Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

Waking Sleeping Beauty

One of my favorite parts of DVD releases is looking at the extra features, in particular the "Making Of" documentaries. Unfortunately, Blu-Ray has resulted in very few DVDs having any extra features at all, but that is beside the point.... I have been a huge fan of these types of documentaries, so Don Hahn's "Waking Sleeping Beauty," a film that showed the rebirth of Disney animation - my Disney animation - was worth the drive in traffic at 5:30 on a Tuesday to Century City, even with a friend who never said she got motion sick until we were in the middle of traffic.

I suppose I didn't entirely know what to expect. I knew that the late Roy Disney was significantly involved, and I knew that everyone had problems with Michael Eisner. Little did I know that everything actually stemmed from one Jeff Katzenberg (the CEO of DreamWorks Animation... hmmm), who was out to make himself the new Walt Disney.

This documentary also acknowledged something that occurs at virtually every company in every profession: No one trusts the new guys. The early 1980s included a slew of new animators from CalArts who would eventually replace Walt's Nine Old Men. Live-action film was "in" and animation... Well, it wasn't. So the young animators were essentially kicked out of the Animation Building (rude) and thrown into portables in Glendale, where they spent their free time (aka: all of their time) filming reenactments of "Apocalypse Now." Eventually they were working on films, but they were always second-fiddle to the new animation studios in Europe. Once Katzenberg finally trusted the new kids, we got classics like "The Little Mermaid," "Aladdin," and Golden Globe and Academy Award winning "Beauty and the Beast." So they may be green and hyperactive; but who says that they aren't good?

And the music of Alan Menken, Howard Ashman, and Sir Tim Rice? Can't believe I forgot how incredible that is. I have been so consumed by the classics of the Sherman Brothers (watching Richard Sherman perform at El Capitan was something I will never forget) that I forgot the classics of my childhood: "A Whole New World," "Can You Feel the Love Tonight," "Beauty and the Beast"? And to imagine that Howard Ashman died before he could even experience how amazing Beauty and the Beast was... But at least he knew.

It's a documentary like this that reminds me why I get up 3-5 days a week to do what I do. It reminds me why I always wanted to be Belle, above all of the other Disney princesses - except for that one Halloween in which I desperately needed a purple Jasmine costume. It reminds me why I had a Simba and Nala best friend necklace that I shared as a child with my best friend Lauren.

I loved "Waking Sleeping Beauty."

And for the record? "The Rescuers Down Under" is a darn good movie.

It's kind of fun to do the impossible

In my Sociology of Death, Dying and Loss course (great class for the end of my educational career - for now - right? So peppy), my professor began to rant on how everything in life is a choice. You are free to do anything in life except for two things: be born and die. People always use the phrase "have to"... "I have to do my homework," "I have to get a job," "I have to take a shower," etc.

Quite frankly, no one has to do anything. Life is entirely your choice. For lack of better quotation, a popular Hannah Montana song said, "Life's what you make it." So true, Miley.

I think society pigeon holes us all the time. I don't even want to say that I'm encouraged to go to school and get a job as much as I'm told that you have no other option when you grow up. A lot of people in my life look for signs, believing that everything happens for a reason. I generally don't look for things like that, but I've noticed a recent trend in my life.

When I was watching (or rather, fast forwarding through) the Oscars, I paused when I watched Michael Giacchino give his acceptance speech for best original score for Disney-Pixar's "Up." Now, I loved "Up" and think Giacchino is a musical genius (Um, hello, "The Incredibles"? Also amazing), so I thought I would see who he would thank. I won't post the whole thing, but I definitely found his speech to be incredibly inspiring. He was so genuine when he explained that everyone in his life had been so supportive of the films he would make; everyone told him that whatever he was doing was not a waste of time. There are kids today who are told quite the opposite and are forced to spend their time doing things that they don't want to because it's what you have to do. I felt, at that exact moment, that he was speaking to me.

I have always had a very supportive family, telling me that I could do whatever I want... As long as I completed my education. That makes sense, especially in today's society when even a bachelor's degree is not what it used to be. As I near my graduation date - 9 weeks and two days, not that I'm counting - I can't help but wonder what I'm going to do now. I have spent parts of my life being passionate about different things: soccer, dance, color guard... What now? Now that I have the world at my finger tips, what am I going to do? I never spent my childhood genuinely wanting to be anything beside a blonde, UCLA cheerleader (which didn't happen, since I'm not blonde nor was I accepted into UCLA) or a dolphin trainer (which would require much better swimming skills on my part). Even those dreams were things I had seen in magazines, not something I truly experienced and wanted to accomplish. I always knew, even as a child, that none of those things would be a worthwhile profession, for lack of better terms. I could never support myself as a dancer or pageantry girl. I knew there was something bigger than that... But what is it?

At work, I engaged a woman in conversation whose daughter is an Imagineer. I was incredibly inspired by the story I was told... A girl who graduated from a small private school in Orange County was a dreamer and she worked to make her dreams come true. That is my dream: to help make others' dreams come true.

As I begin to search for the right job for me, I worry about my competitors. What if someone has a better resume than I do? What if they have more internships or more writing experience or more volunteer experience? What if they have better leadership skills or a more relevant resume? Ultimately, what sets me apart is my passion for the positions I'm applying for. While many people want a job to pay the bills, I've learned that all I want is a job that doesn't feel like I'm going to work every day. I want a job where I can share my passion with the world and encourage others to experience the magic that I've had the opportunity to experience...

Beside my door is a small poster of barren land with a ghost-like picture of Walt Disney and the Walt Disney World castle. Below it is the quote "It's kind of fun to do the impossible." Walt was able to take his passion and turn it into the Happiest Place on Earth. Who says that I can't do that?

I suppose now is the time to get up and make it happen.

"The way to get started is to quit talking and start doing." - Walt Disney

There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow

I love that, after a long rainy day, I put my iTunes library on shuffle and "There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow" (the version from "Meet the Robinsons") pops up. What a way to remind me that tomorrow is a brand new day full of grand possibilities.

Today, my future was placed before me on disneyinterns.com. I have been waiting for months to finally see the potential that my future will take me to Florida for half of a year. Now it's here: Am I ready?

Looking at all of the options... PR, internal comm, events, TPO... All involving an intense refurbishment of my resume and the compilation of a portfolio. I am nervous but so excited that I can finally take that first step outside of the classroom in May and into the real world in June.

Let's hope that Disney sees the potential in me that I have always seen in myself.